January 2009
12.
“Surrounded by familiar faces. The people you love to see. Where everybody knows your name and they’re smiling. And we may not be getting any younger. Our days might be slipping away yet we’re still so young. And for the first time I feel less alone. And for the first time I can call this home. It’s our last time to say goodnight but don’t say goodbye cause in the...
Raw.
I’m ridiculously hard on myself. I guess I’ve always known it, but I never thought it was anything that needed to be changed. Besides, I didn’t deserve to change. That’s how I feel. That’s why I have such a hard time trusting people. I truly believe that they will realize how pathetic I am and when they do, they’ll leave me. That’s how my head works....
Seriously?
About two years ago, Jarrett Rausch told me it’s easier for him to talk via MySpace because he has a backspace. He said he didn’t like talking to people in person because he always said the wrong thing. Of course, I’m sure he was BS-ing all of that, but it makes sense, ya know? Our generation would much rather talk via MySpace or text or Facebook or what have you. But seriously,...
Blue.
I saw on the news that it’s going to rain all day tomorrow. I can’t even describe how happy that makes me. I’m probably going to wake up early just so I can sit by the window. I feel so much.. lighter today. I can’t really explain it. Maybe it’s because I think I’ve finally found out what I’m going to do in the next few years. I’m so ridiculouly...
Almost.
I just almost deleted my tumblr, but then I wouldn’t have any way to see everyone’s updates. I mean, I could go to each blog individually, but that’s too much work. I’m so laaaaazy.
I’m pretty sure I’m going to go to Nashville tomorrow by myself. Unless someone wants to skip and come with me. But I’m pretty sure I’m going.
I had both a good and bad...
Sorry.
I didn’t mean to hurt anyone’s feelings. It’s not that yesterday was bad. You guys didn’t do anything wrong. I still love you. I’m sorry I made it sound otherwise. I’m just crazy.
In happier news, I sent a message to Chad and he responded! :)
Liar.
I lied today when I said I was in a bad mood because I was hurting. Truth is, something didn’t feel right. I couldn’t figure out what it was. It’s like, I felt I was just standing back watching something I’ve clinged to for so long fall apart. This isn’t going to make any sense to anyone because I haven’t explained it to anyone and I don’t think I ever...
Jealousy.
That’s all I can feel and I hate it. I feel like scum because of you. Thanks a whole bunch, pal. I don’t want to be bitter towards you, but I can’t help it. I’m sorry. God, why do I keep apologizing? I didn’t do anything! I want to talk to someone. I wish so bad that that someone would be you, but I don’t know if you’ll care. Hm. I’m so angsty...
Sleep?
Not anytime soon. I finally found a wi fi spot in my room so I’m doing this from my iPod. I don’t even really know what to say. I just wanted to write SOMETHING. Well, I lied. There’s a lot I want to say but I’m scared to say what I’m thinking. Oh well. I’m watching Mythbusters. I really wish I was smart enough to be on the show. I’m so thankful I’m...
Stupid.
Last night, I was the most nervous I’ve been in a while. I hate telling people how much they mean to me. It gives them power, and it scares the crap outta me. I don’t know, maybe I’m overexaggerating. Church tonight. I don’t know what I am more: nervous or excited. I’m ridiculous.
Bden&Ryro.
Need to come out already, fahrealzzzz.
Obama.
I’m superduperextremelycrazyinsanely excited about Obama becoming president. I know everyone in the world is probably posting something like this, but oh well. I can’t wait to see what he’s going to do with our country. Tonight was pretty amazing. I’m starting to really love Tuesdays and Thursdays. Today in general was pretty amazing. Billie Jo came over in the morning and...
Hey.
Chad Sugg makes me extremely happy. Between him and Chase Coy, I have the best jam sessions. So for some reason, I was extremely moody today. When I left the theater, I felt light. I felt.. free. Amazing. Like I could do anything. Not ten minutes later, I could barely keep myself from crying. All of a sudden, I felt completely worthless. (Hence the depressing twitters.) I went from feeling...
Ocho.
I don’t know how to say it. I want to reassure you everything’s okay, but I don’t know how to. I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m tired of saying it, even if I mean it. Ha, wow. Okay, anyway, tonight was great. It was better and easier than I thought it’d be. 8 months and I’m finally okay with it. Wow, that makes me sound like a desperate, stupid idiot. Oh...
Apology.
I’m sorry, sorry, sorry.
Stories.
You guys have got to stop being so friggin amazing. You’re making me not want to leave White House as soon as I planned. I applied for three jobs online today. They each took about an hour to do which was absolutely ridiculous. BUT! Hopefully, I’ll get the bookseller job at Books-A-Million. I started doing this really awesome thing last night. I decided that I was going to write down...
Untitled.
Hopeless? Perhaps. Lonely? Definitely. Afraid? Oh yeah. Unsure? More than I’ve ever been. Happy? Only sometimes.
I’m tired of what I have. I want something new. No, that’s a lie. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I keep saying things I don’t mean. I hate the way people keep looking at me. I need to have a meaningful conversation with someone. I wish that someone...
Rockets.
Sometimes, I really hate looking back on what I write. It makes me feel uncomfortable and ridiculous. It takes a lot of will power for me not to delete everything. Oh well. Today was wonderful. Hope is da best. I’ve decided that I WILL work at Johnny Rockets. I’ll be ridiculously upset if I don’t end up working there. I really want to dance in front of a bunch of people every 30...
Quote.
I’m pretty proud of it. I was talking to myself again (yeah, shut up) and it just like, came out. Sometimes, I say things that make myself proud of me. Wow, did that make sense? Anyway. Shower time. Then Michael’s.
(YAY ICING! :D)
“You can only hide from yourself for so long.”
Sorry.
Maybe I should back off a bit? I don’t know. I’m cramping really, really bad today. I only got two hours of sleep last night. Last night was so amazing. I love my friends. I’m not going to get mushy like I always do. All I’m going to say is thank you. :)
Rainy Day Soundtrack: “Technicolor Eyes” by Backseat Goodbye “Umbrellas and Elephants” by...
Again.
My heart won’t calm down. It was only a picture and now my heart won’t calm down. I miss him. I miss him so much more than I let myself believe. It physically hurts. How stupid is that? Ughhhh. I’m ready for Friday. Sorry. Goodnight. Fer real this time.
Creation.
I view the Creation a whole different way after tonight. Just last night I was telling Michael how hard it is for me to believe the Bible when it comes to God creating everything in 7 days. And then tonight, we had a guest speaker who talked about Creation vs. Evolution. I was like, “Oh hai, God. Thanks for sending someone to explain this.” We got a handout and everything. I’m...
Heart.
My heart has really been killing me lately. I don’t know if it’s because of graduation or what, but it’s getting to be ridiculous. I can’t breathe half the time or my chest burns. I just want it to stop. I want to not hurt anymore.
“You need not be afraid of sudden disaster or the destruction that comes upon the...”
– Proverbs 3:25-26
Nothing.
I don’t know what this blog will be about. Skitch is cutting my hair in the next few days. I’m pretty friggin’ excited. I hate the way my hair looks now. I’ve been reading the Bible a lot. Solomon was an interesting guy. I can’t wait to talk to him in Heaven. The Me, Myself, and I AM book is reeeeeally awesome. I’ve just been filling out random parts of it....
Five.
Yeahh, I’m stealing the general idea from Shyanne. I’m going to try to come up with different lists, though. So heeeeeere we go:
5 dates/months/seasons that changed my life: 1. December 29th. 2. The end of May. 3. January. 4. All of summer. 5. September.
5 things I’ll never forget: 1. The whole Gatlinburg trip; especially December 29th. 2. The first time the ic crew hung out....
“I’d rather live than live forever.”
Rain.
Have you ever just needed it to rain? The sun is burning me out. I need clouds and raindrops on my window and wind wrapping around the house. Thank God. I just looked at the forecast and it’s supposed to rain Saturday and Sunday. Craig Owen’s song “Anna Begins” is so good. To be honest, I probably wouldn’t like it if it wasn’t for his voice. The music itself...